Notes from the Continuum

Many people have asked me, "What is this Male Space time Continuum that you refer to?

This article, which appeared on a dating website, has another name for it: Predictable male Withdrawal:

Why a Man Won’t Emotionally Commit

One of the most common situations women ask me about is what I call Predictable Male Withdrawal. If you’ve had any experience with men and dating, then you already know what this is. I’ll take a second to explain exactly what this is and why it’s important…

Regarding emotional commitment, I am not terribly interested in that, not at this juncture anyway. However, we all want to know: when men (and women) withdraw (read: vanish), where do they go?

Where do they go when they vanish, never to be seen or heard from again? You had a great date and talked of meeting again. You made plans to meet but he never showed up, called or emailed. You call his cell and get no answer. He's vanished without a trace, someplace where cell phones, email or Blackberry cannot reach. Obviously, your feelings are hurt and you feel insulted- perhaps you send an email saying something like "blow me, you dickwad". He went somewhere, but where?

The Male Space Time Continuum. Like the Wizard of Oz, it's very good, but very mysterious.

This usually happens AFTER:

-they have satisfying sex and an orgasm with you

-you tell them you love them

-you tell them you like them

-you tell them you want to go out sometime

Of course, it must be a pleasant environment, if so many men go there. More pleasant than being with you. And it is. The Continuum is a giant basement with a huge bar, populated by men who walk around in boxers and t-shirts (the latter if it's winter or they want to dress up), complete with wide screen TV that receives sports channels, porn and Man TV, and booze is served 24/7 by deaf-mute, topless Hooters girls.

I dated a really nice guy who described a previous girlfriend's escape to the continuum. She vanished when SHE thought that she was getting too attached to HIM. Yes, women do vanish into the continuum- it's not sex-segregated. In fact, it's tempting for me, as I'd love the widescreen TV and sports channels. I can see myself vanishing if I were faced with a guy who, say, told me how beautiful I would look pregnant or suggested that I stop using my laundry basket as extra storage space. But the Continuum is mainly populated by those Predictable Withdrawers, alas…and women who aren't deaf mute beer servers are outnumbered and outshouted.

And scattered throughout the continuum are huge pile of those mismatched socks, sent there by dryers all over the world. So you know they aren't going to waste, as the men who live there make good use of them so they don’t' go barefoot.

Let's start on a happy note...

I just saw my upstairs neighbor's mother and pimply friend moving a bunch of stuff from the house. This after a whole year of:

-Movies in surroundsound (Registered trademark) with lots of explosions, screaming and booming.
-Videogames in surroundsound: WOW, Grand Theft Auto, Guitar Hero, and others involving lots of explosions.
- screaming girlfriend who wants the world to know she's having sex.
- jam sessions
-piano playing of the same half dozen songs including The Charlie Brown Theme, and selections from the Beatles songbook.

And all of this right over my head, with very low ceilings.

Do I sound like a bitch? try living in what sounds like a Cineplex or a giant Stomach...

Actually, last year at this time I was surrounded by 20somethings, mostly men it seemed. On the top floor lived an endless stream of changing tenants. The last group were nice enough, but made a dreadful mess. On the top floor next door was another group of 20something guys...also nice and friendly but, like a lot of young men their age, completely disgusting. Cigarette butts, beer caps and junk littered the driveway. Then they got two dogs- pitbulls of course. One was a puppy and very sweet; the other rescued from a fire. After they left, the landlord saw that they had disposed of the dog crap by putting it in plastic bags and tossing it out the window. Where it snagged in the trees. I had wondered what that stuff was.

In the basement apartment opposite mine lived another 20something guy named Matthew who looked a bit like Silent Bob but was very nice- even he couldn't stand the noise, dog crap and cigarette butts and moved out in May. A man in his 30s lives there now but I haven't seen much of him.

The Pitbull guys followed shortly after. The Perpetually Stoned tenants upstairs have been replaced by three young women. The driveway was cleaned up and all the junk disposed of. My landlady has sworn off 20something men as tenants.