Oh, what a relief it is.

I just got over a horrendous bout of a flu-like virus. For the better part of a weekend I did little else besides sleep. I could eat almost nothing and was so weak, I could barely make it up the three steps to my front door to get the mail. I went through four boxes of Kleenex and generally felt as if I had aged in dog years.

When I was a child, being sick meant staying home from school and watching TV, eating my mother's chicken soup and reading my favorite books if I was well enough to concentrate.

No more, however. These days, according to ads for cold medicines, a cold and fever shouldn't prevent you from getting out and conquering the elements.. 'I won't let a cold or fever stop me!' says one superwoman, who rises from her sickbed to go kayaking. It's not enough to just feel well enough to get out of bed. No, we should be conquering Mount Washington, deep sea diving and being lowered into glaciers like Dr Agassiz.

Same for children. One poor mopey child in another ad, sits forlornly in front of a piece of paper. Alas, she's unable to be creative because she's got a cold, but give her decongestant and she's painting pictures again. God forbid the kid should get one day where she just lies in bed.

Adults need to get back to work, so a good decongestant makes sense. But do we need to risk bronchitis by climbing the polar ice cap? and do kids REALLY need to be creative when they have a cold? are they somehow slacking off if they don't take one lousy day off to watch tv and eat chicken soup?

Finally a week later I'm capable of going to the gym. A whole week and no glacier climbing. I'm a failure as a sick person.

The eyes have it

I am going in for laser eye surgery in early February. I would gladly have done this years ago, but it's just now at my advanced age that I can afford it, alas. I remember the interchange from Goodbye Columbus, where Neil tells spoiled Brenda, "Why don't you get your eyes fixed?" This was 1963? Getting your eyes fixed was probably on the same sci fi level as going to work in a jet-pack.

Aside from the good old fashioned vanity, it's really the convenience: no more stupid contact lenses when I want to go to the gym, or cycling. N0 more glasses fogging up in winter. No more contact lens solutions. No more having to put on cheap reading glasses over my lenses to see small print.

I will still need my reading glasses. Everyone else says, I like your glasses. They also always have perfect vision. I quote Brenda Patimkin, "Break the goddam things. I hate them." But even spoiled Brenda coudn't get her eyes fixed.